I have dedicated my Hold me Father EP to my amazing dad who passed away in 2017 after a 6 year fight with cancer. The 1st of June was his birthday, and June happens to be Father’s Day month too, so it feels right and fitting to honour his memory and legacy in the same month that fathers all around the world are celebrated.
My dad was an incredible pipe organist and faithfully led worship at the church he was part of over a period of 60 years! He had always wanted me to see this dream of recording with an orchestra fulfilled, but he could never afford to contribute financially to make it possible. I had started working towards planning how I could record Hold me Father, when my dad’s cancer came back with a vengeance after a time of being cancer free, so everything got put on hold. When my dad died, I was trying to make sense of all the crazy emotions I was feeling, and I felt God say “What happens when a father dies?”, and I answered, “An inheritance is released”. And I felt God say that there was an inheritance to be released to me in light of my dad’s faithful service all those years. I didn’t really care about that because I just wanted my dad back. When my dad died, my emotions shut down. I went numb. I couldn’t think about Hold me Father. I couldn't think about recording or creativity or anything. Dreaming felt frivolous and exhausting. Preparing for a dream felt like an impossibility. I had internally decided that Hold me Father was just not worth it, and this whole “inheritance” thing that God had spoken to me about was something I didn’t really care about. I just wanted my dad back.
Then 5 months later, I was at a conference in Dubai and Gary Morgan called me out of the crowd and asked me if the 1st of June meant anything to me. I initially couldn’t remember anything to do with that date, and then I suddenly remembered that it was my dad’s birthday (when something comes to an end, I tend to file all of the information that goes with that person/thing in some vault in my mind never to be seen again unless I have to think about it again). The date I had nearly forgotten, was suddenly thrust right back in my mind. Gary went on to see an open vision of my dad in heaven, and based on what God was showing him, he figured out my dad’s name, and the last sentence my dad said to me the day I last saw him face to face. Gary then went on to speak of an inheritance that is coming to me because of my dad, to release the Father heart of God in worship. Gary had never met me before, didn’t know that my dad was an organist, or that I am a worship leader and musician, and was in the process of deciding whether ot not to record Hold me Father.
At the beginning of 2020 I asked God when I should release Hold me Father. I was going through some old videos to sort out the folders in my new computer, and I came across the recording of the moment with Gary prophesying over me in Dubai, and as I watched it and heard him ask the say “I see the the 1st of June for you. Does that mean anything to you?” I immediately felt God repeat the question to me and I sensed a smile from Him over the question, and I knew in that moment that the 1st of June was what God was suggesting to me. June felt very far away and the song was ready to be released so it didn’t entirely make sense, but then the Corona Virus lock down happened and I couldn’t get my song mastered until things had eased off, so I had to wait for Abbey Road to open up again which meant that the earliest I’ve been able to get the song out there realistically is the 1st of June. I felt God say to me that the very date I nearly forgot, is a day he wants to bring back to life, never to be forgotten again.
So the 1st of June will always be a reminder of the value of my dad’s amazing life, and the day that one of the biggest dreams in my heart for the last 20 years finally gets to take flight to wherever God wants it to go. I also think it's quite poignant, because its the one day I almost forgot about when Gary asked me if it meant anything to me, but I love that God decided to highlight it again and redeem it. That’s how I feel about this song and this dream. I’ve gone through many up and downs to get to this moment. I tried to ignore the dream and nearly threw it away as something that would never happen because it felt impossible. But now it's time….Time to see God redeem everything that has been taken. Time for my dad’s memory to live on. Time for the Father to release it wherever He wants it to go, to do whatever He wants it to do in others lives.
Comments